Exactly.
Now, I will freely admit that being a stay at home dad is not for most men. In fact, it's not natural. That's right. Not natural. You know, the whole hunter/gatherer and protector thing. And women being typically more caring, motherly and nurturing.
All that aside, it is very humbling. Parenting in general is very humbling. But add the fact that I spend a vast majority of time with my kids, it has become even more apparent how humbling it is.
I have learned and continue to learn a great deal while raising my kids. Now, you don't need to be a stay at home parent to learn the things that I have learned. But for me, I needed the extra time with my kids to appreciate it fully and let it marinate.
Now there are obvious things such as: I love my kids more than life it's self, it's a very demanding job, I'll never do anything as important in my life, blah, blah, blah. So there is all that stuff, but this is more of an, "In addition to" list. Things that are more of the B-side on my stay-at-home album. (Fun fact: Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" is a B-side track. Seems apropos.)
Here are 7 things I have learned while parenting the crap out of my kids(sometimes literally):
1) Spot Shot is magical.
 |
| mmmmm...smells like magic. (But also, make sure to use magic in a well ventilated room.) |
I have not run into a stain that it could not conquer. Carpet stains from juice to marker to cat puke.
 |
| Not 100% sure if it get's human blood out of a kangaroo's fur. I'll update later. |
I don't want my kids to think that their small fall may have hurt them. I want them to be tough. On top of that, I want them to see that I'm calm and that they are just fine. If you ask them "Are you ok?", you give them the option of not being ok. But if you say "You're OK.", chances are they will believe it. Funny thing is, now my kids usually hop up and yell, "I'm OK!" before I even say anything.
 |
3) It is NOT intellectually stimulating, for the most part.
That's kinda a no-brainer. (Please, do NOT pardon that pun. It was as awesome as you thought it was the first time. Re-read it.)
Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with over 10,000 women. Well, I claim to have sung the ABC's and You Are My Sunshine over 10,000 times. Soooooooo, I think we know who won that one.
Tea parties, Candyland, Dora the Explorer, pillow fights, Play-Doh, steamroller and hide & seek are a blast! But rarely does Teddy ever pipe up at the tea party with a good riddle.
Teddy: What is at the end of a rainbow?Me: Whoa! You talk?
Teddy: Yea. Now, what is at the end of a rainbow?
Me: Ummmm...gold?
Teddy: Nope, the letter 'w'.
Me: You son of a cotton ball. You say nothing all day long and now you come at me with your own brand of gotcha brain teasers. Damn you, Teddy.
4) Discipline is really tough. Tough for my kids but probably tougher on me.
My kids are little adults with training wheels on. One day my kids take those training wheels off and be adults. There are real consequences in the real world. If I don't discipline my kids, I am not helping them. I am hurting them and enabling them. Now, I don't go over board with punishments but I don't go easy.
My 6 year old son recently punched his 9 year old sister. He apologized on his own but I was the policeman who had to dole out justice. And justice was no Wii that night. He cried for 45 minutes about it. Just so we're clear on the math:
1 minute crying = 1 perceived eternity
That is to say:
45 minutes of crying =
It was looooong, exhausting, stressful and painful. And I'm pretty sure he felt the same way. I had a headache and a heartache after the whole ordeal and went to bed right after he did.
But if it's one thing I've learned, it is: you gotta stick to your guns. You gotta not bend. If the punishment is just, you have to make your child accountable. At the moment, it Sucks (with a capital S). Get through it. Talk about it the next day or when the storm is over. Talk about the choices. Learn from it. The steps may be small, they almost always are. It might feel like you're not getting through. My son may hit his sister again. I will hold him accountable again. It may Suck again. But little by little it will get better. One day it will pay off.
5) I am a good person because of my kids.
There is SO much talk about "do it for yourself". "It" meaning, workout, eat healthy, help others, be a good person, work hard, etc... And I get all that. I do. But if I'm being honest, I want to be a better person because of my kids, my wife and to make the world better and not for myself. Maybe myself is further down the list than for most people.
I hold the door for strangers, so my kids see how we should treat people.
I pick up garbage in the park, so my kids see how to respect other people's property.
I use my manners, so my kids will see how to respect people using words.
I talk about our choices and NOT placing outward blame, so my kids will be accountable for their actions.
I don't talk behind people's backs because I don't want my kids thinking it's ok to do that.
I workout so I can hopefully live a long life with my kids. And maybe grandkids.
I workout so they think daddy is the strongest man in the world and so they believe I am strong enough to protect them from anyone or anything that may hurt them. So they will feel safe.
Now, I would probably do most of these things before my kids, but having kids has made me realize how important it is to make this world better.
I am a good person. I want my kids to be even better.
This is not to say I needed kids to be a good person. I was good before kids. But they have made me even gooder and more consistent with my gooderness.
6) Hugs are magic.
 |
| Not these. Uck. |
 |
| More like these. |
Read the next paragraph slowly while thinking of whom you love hugging most. Preferably to a slow, sappy and meaningful song on in the background. i.e. "Arms Wide Open" by Creed.
Hugs say I missed you. I will miss you. They say I'm happy. They say I'm sad. They say I'm scared. They say I need you. They say I want you. They say I'm hurt. They say you're hurt. They say I'm scared. They say you scared me. They say I need a pick-me-up. They say I need to know you care. They say I do care. They say I never want to let go. They say I love you. They say you are my mom. They say you are my dad. They say you are special to me. Sometimes they say mom/dad is making me do this to say sorry. Hopefully, one day they will say I truly am sorry.
Hugs can make a lot of wrong things right. And hugs can make a lot of things all better, if even for only a moment.
7) I don't know shit.
Ok. I do know shit. I actually deal with it on the daily. I know diaper shit. Skidmark shit. Clog the toilet shit. Baked potato sized shit from a 3 y.o. that I need a plastic knife to cut up so it doesn't clog the toilet...again. Soooooooo, I know shit.
What I really mean by I don't know shit, is everyday I wake up and I think I got it all under control. I think I got this whole parenting thing figured out...for the most part. I think I have the answers and then the sun comes up. That's when I realize, nope.
I wake up and one kid is screaming bloody murder while getting her earring put back in, one kid is making breakfast for the rest and then turning around and taking our youngest daughter's favorite stuffed animal. Our youngest, who was never afraid of going upstairs by herself is suddenly deathly afraid of going on this voyage by herself. Then back to our oldest, who is now seriously worried that she speaks too harshly to her brother and sister and what does that say about her as a person?
Wait what? I haven't even got all the crusty eye boogers out of my eye yet.
Parenting is always changing. My kids are always changing. Hopefully, this vague and blurry map I have will be enough to lead our family to where it needs to go.
 |
| Parenting road map, sometimes. |
 |
| Parenting road map, other times. |
Welp. That's 7 down and 999,993 to go. Kidding. There's no way there are only 1 million things I've learned. Just like at the end of Back to the Future, to quote Doc Brown, "Something's gotta be done about your kids!" Oh and...
jj
No comments:
Post a Comment